Inward Read online

  two of the great lessons humanity

  will learn in the 21st century will be:

  to harm another is to harm oneself

  when you heal yourself, you heal the world

  reclaim your power,

  heal yourself,

  love yourself,

  know yourself—

  these phrases are becoming

  more and more common. why?

  because they are the pathways to

  our own freedom and happiness

  contents

  distance

  union

  interlude

  self-love

  understanding

  distance

  before i could release

  the weight of my sadness

  and pain, i first had

  to honor its existence

  i was never addicted

  to one thing;

  i was addicted to filling

  a void

  within myself

  with things other

  than my own love

  to solely

  attempt

  to love others

  without first loving yourself

  is to build a home

  without a strong foundation

  three things make life harder:

  not loving yourself

  refusing to grow

  not letting go

  i lived so long

  with a closed heart,

  not because

  i was afraid to get hurt

  but because i was afraid

  of the pain

  i had hidden away

  before we can

  heal and let go,

  what ails us

  deeply

  must first

  come to the

  surface

  i spent so much time

  creating versions of myself

  that were far from the truth,

  characters i would perform

  depending on who was around

  layers that could hide

  the inner dance of turmoil,

  between my lack of confidence,

  the pain i did not understand,

  and the uneasiness that comes

  with reaching out to others for the

  love that i was not giving myself

  (before the healing)

  i kept running away

  from my darkness

  until i understood

  that in it i would

  find my freedom

  many of us walk the earth as strangers to ourselves, not knowing what is true, why we feel what we feel, actively working to repress experiences or ideas that are too jarring for us to observe and release. it is a paradox occurring in the human mind: we run away from what we do not want to face, from what brings feelings of pain, and from problems we don’t have answers to, but in our running away from ourselves we are also running away from our own freedom.

  it is through the observation of all that we are and accepting what we observe with honesty and without judgment that we can release the tension that creates delusions in the mind and walls around the heart. this is why the keys to our freedom lie in our darkness: because when we observe our darkness by bringing our light of awareness inward, the ego begins to dissipate into nothingness and the subconscious slowly becomes understood.

  the mind is full of shadows, but shadows cannot withstand the patience and perseverance of light—our minds can become like stars, powerful united fields of pure light. but unlike a star, the healed mind will dwell in awareness and wisdom.

  when we disconnect

  from our pain

  we stop growing

  when we are dominated

  by our pain

  we stop growing

  freedom is observing our pain

  letting it go

  and moving forward

  (middle path)

  it is not love

  if all they want

  from you

  is to fulfill

  their expectations

  one of my greatest

  mistakes

  was believing

  that another person

  could hold together

  all the pieces of me

  make sure

  the walls

  you build

  to protect yourself

  do not become a prison

  changes in the external world can cause great misery when we do not know how to engage and heal ourselves. moments of pain and discomfort, or encounters with ideas that may break the mental images we have created of the world, are normally things we not only run away from but also things we build walls to defend ourselves from. these walls we build in our minds and hearts make sense when we don’t know any better. we all have the right to protect ourselves from pain, but be aware that these walls can turn from protection into prison—the more walls we build around ourselves, the less space we have to grow and be free. we have a harder time releasing the habits that cause misery when we are surrounded by the psychological walls we have constructed, causing us to stagnate and fall into a rhythm where we are always running within a space that is slowly growing smaller.

  the opposite of this mode of being is to have a practice that helps us go deep within ourselves to dissolve the walls, to heal the patterns that cause us pain, to release burdens and traumas, and to discover the universe that dwells inside each of us. when we journey inward and release the blocks that we first built as walls, we naturally begin to create a new and wider space of awareness. now when things happen in the external world, we have more space and time to examine how we would like to respond as opposed to reacting blindly and reinforcing old patterns.

  the body contains

  our past emotions

  healing work

  creates space

  for the release

  of what we felt

  long ago

  don’t run away

  from heavy emotions

  honor the anger;

  give pain the space

  it needs to breathe

  this is how we let go

  reminder:

  when the body is tired

  the mind will often create

  worries to focus on

  ask yourself often:

  am i observing the situation

  accurately or am i projecting how

  i feel onto what is happening?

  sometimes

  we feel like exploding—

  not because of anything

  or to hurt anyone

  but simply

  because we are growing,

  releasing,

  letting the old parts die,

  so that new habits,

  new ways of being,

  have space to live

  (shedding)

  sometimes deeper mental clarity

  is preceded by great internal storms

  healing yourself can be messy

  seeing yourself through honesty

  can be jarring and tough; it can even

  temporarily cause imbalance in your life

  it is hard work to open yourself

  up to release your burdens

  like removing thorns from your body,

  it may hurt at first, but it is

  ultimately for your hig
hest good

  the dark clouds of rainfall are

  necessary for new growth

  an apology to past lovers:

  i wasn’t ready

  to treat you well

  i didn’t know love

  was meant to be selfless

  i didn’t know my pain

  had control over my actions

  i didn’t know how far away

  i was from myself

  and how that distance

  always kept us miles apart

  (blind heart)

  when passion

  and attachment

  come together,

  they are often

  confused for love

  i spent most

  of my life

  trying to prove

  to myself and others

  that i had no pain

  and felt no sorrow

  some people hit rock bottom before

  they change themselves drastically

  because at that distance they can

  best see who they really want to be

  questions:

  am i being honest with myself?

  am i allowing myself the space to heal?

  am i being compassionate and patient toward myself when i am not meeting my goals as quickly as i had intended?

  am i doing what i need to do to thrive?

  ego is

  self-doubt

  self-hatred

  anxiety

  narcissism

  fear of others

  harshness

  impatience

  a lack of compassion

  and illusions

  ego sees problems

  consciousness sees solutions

  ego is not just the idea that we are better and more important than others; it most often arises in the form of fear-driven emotions that grip our mind when we no longer believe ourselves capable of great things, when we look down on ourselves and treat ourselves harshly.

  ego makes us see the world through fearful illusions; it makes us give the same punishing treatment we give ourselves to other people.

  ego is a cloud that surrounds consciousness and disturbs its clarity. when we grow our self-love, our ego diminishes; when we purify ourselves and let go of mental burdens, the ego loses its power. as we learn to heal ourselves, we do not hate our ego, nor do we become complacent with the limitations it imposes on our lives. the highest happiness, the deepest sense of freedom, an unshakeable peace is possible when the ego no longer reigns, when the love of consciousness can flow without interruption.

  the world itself is currently shifting from being ruled by the fear of ego to being liberated by the love of consciousness; what we face internally is a microcosm of what humanity faces globally—this is why growing our self-love is a medicine for our earth.

  if you measure

  the length

  of your ego,

  it will equal

  the distance

  between you

  and your freedom

  if you

  are far away

  from yourself,

  how could

  you ever be

  close to another?

  what is happening within us

  will reveal itself in the energy

  of our actions and words

  honesty creates intimate connections

  and decreases the turbulence of life

  dishonesty creates distance and problems

  that have to be dealt with in the future

  if we are

  not growing,

  then we are

  probably hurting

  there is not a single moment when change is not present. the constant of the universe, the motion of impermanence, is observably evident in the world around us and the world within us.

  if we examine nature, it is clear that everything is in a constant state of dynamic change. trees are a great example: in cycles they alternate from experiences of growth to experiences of releasing, all the while alive, all the while growing. if we are refusing to grow, then we are moving against the flow of nature; the flow of change is so powerful that resisting it can only cause difficulty.

  sometimes growth hurts, but it is the type of pain that is easier to endure because it is helping us come forward as a better version of ourselves.

  the greatest gift

  sadness gave me

  was the motivation

  to transform

  do not let a cloudy mind trick you

  into doing things you are done with

  reminder:

  you can love people and

  simultaneously not allow

  them to harm you

  the most widespread affliction

  that people suffer from is a lack

  of belief in their own power

  to be so broken

  to have

  f a l l e n

  so deeply

  that the only thing

  you can do is

  r i s e

  into a new you

  (phoenix)

  union

  the healer

  you have been

  looking for

  is your own courage

  to know and love

  yourself completely

  it did not

  happen overnight

  and it was not

  given to me by another

  i am the maker

  of the happiness and love

  growing within me

  make your growth

  sustainable

  by moving at a pace

  that is challenging

  but not overwhelming

  there is a tendency to doubt

  your growth in the midst of a

  big leap forward; hold steady

  and allow yourself to bloom

  i do not wish

  to change the past

  it made me

  who i am today

  i only want

  to learn from it

  and live in a new way

  letting go

  doesn’t mean forgetting;

  it means we stop carrying

  the energy of the past

  into the present

  healing begins with acceptance and culminates in letting go.

  when a great misery occurs, it remains with us for as long as we hold on to it. attachments form because of the energy we use to keep what happened, or the image of what we want to happen, locked away within our mind and body—this is the cause of tension in our being. when we hold on to these attachments, they travel with us as a burden, from our past, to our present, and into our future. they can even be passed on to our descendants long after we are gone.

  the miracle of healing ourselves is so powerful, because in the movement of accepting and letting go, we relinquish the energy of burden not only in our present but in our past and future as well. imagine the time line of your life. now imagine the burdens that you carry as an extra line layered on top. as we let go of our miseries, this extra layer becomes thinner and thinner. it will not change what happened, but the extra energy we carried because of these occurrences will no longer weigh down the time line of our life. what happened, happened, but now these moments are no longer attachments of pain and sorrow; now they are experiences we learn from, lessons that bring us into a present of greater freedom, happiness, and wisdom.

  when you grow rapidly

  and experience

  such deep insights

  that you can no
longer

  look at yourself

  or the world

  in the same way

  be kind

  allow yourself

  the time and space

  to settle into the new you

  (integrate)

  let’s make

  s p a c e

  for deep healing

  in our world

  a real sign

  of progress

  is when we no longer

  punish ourselves

  for our imperfections

  you have

  walked through fire

  survived floods

  and triumphed

  over demons

  remember this

  the next time you doubt

  your own power

  she believed that the damage

  to her mind and heart was permanent,

  until she met wisdom, who taught her

  that no pain or wound is eternal, that all

  can be healed, and that love can grow

  even in the toughest parts of her being

  ask yourself:

  is this worry real or is my mind just

  looking for something to grab onto?

  the mind is a series of patterns

  if we wish to change ourselves

  we should create new habits

  when we build new habits

  we are creating a new life

  we carry

  our attachments

  and pain

  in our bodies;

  as we let them go

  our bodies change

  a body is a field of moving energy and a system of information. as life continues its fluctuations, we tend to gather attachments, burdens, and sorrows. we hold them so tightly that they become embedded in the body, causing blockages and disruptions in the flow of our system, which can limit access to the best possible version of ourselves—this sometimes manifests as ailments or disease as well as a lack of belief in our own power and a lack of understanding of the universe.